Dreaming In Darkness.
Here is a basic question for you and don’t worry it is an
easy one. Where do we dream? The answer, fundamentally, is that we dream in
darkness.
Think about that for a moment. When you close your eyes, the
world effectively goes black to you. On a base level, our minds are cut off
from one of our primary senses and we surrender it over to its own devices as
we began to shut down our body’s systems to allow everything to rest/recuperate.
And on some level, it is in that ethereal plane of void and
shadow that some of our most vivid and bright moments are born. We call them
dreams, but in truth they can be anything from unconscious fragments of
thought, memories to unresolved fears and worries. My point is that is where
some powerful parts of ourselves are born.
I know something about this, because if anyone is qualified
to talk about such a subject; I am. Over the course of my life I have done so
much sleeping. And not in the way you might expect.
As many people familiar with me are aware I suffer from two
neurological conditions known as Narcolepsy and Cataplexy. Directly because of
this I had to go for years before we had an accurate diagnosis or appropriate
treatment. I’ve spent weeks and even months in a perpetual state of sleep.
While in any of these events, I could sometimes hear things
around me and at others was lost to dreams. It is said, by both experts and
those who suffer the shackles of sleep or plagued by the demons of dream (both
are expressions I have used to inject some degree of humor into the discussion
of my condition) that those with this problem tend to experience far more vivid
and intense dreams.
While others might only dream while in the confines of their
beds, we can involuntarily fluctuate in and out of REM sleep just walking
around. We have no control over when we choose to drift off to sleep, let alone
when we will awaken. Long story short, I can go from wide awake to deep sleep
as rapidly as a light switch can be flipped.
I mention all of this as a matter of perspective. Two days
ago, my son collapsed in the check out aisle at a local grocery store. Within
moments I was packing him out to our vehicle. We had believed he suffered from
a form of seizure and had been treating him accordingly. So, after the designated
time had passed and his situation remained unchanged, we administered his
emergency medication and called an ambulance.
By that evening my son couldn’t stay awake and it was
decided to transport him and my Wife 4 hours by ambulance to a children’s
hospital. The next day tests were being done and he spent the majority of the
day asleep and unresponsive. In time, a neurologist reviewed his data and
stated that this was not a seizure that he was suffering from.
All manner of thoughts and questions now flood through my
thoughts. But at the core is the fact that, these doctors have admitted that
they believe my son might share my affliction. This point leaves me conflicted.
It is terrifying beyond description to be frozen inside your
body and unable to react. It is also a nightmare to awaken in a fright unaware
of where you are or what is going on, especially if you suffer from paralysis
via cataplexy or the like. To know that my child now might be experiencing the
same thing pains me. And yet, it is a foe I already know…
In addition to this whole ordeal, our oldest son was
airlifted last night as well to the same hospital with my Mother escorting him.
There has been some debate regarding the authenticity of his symptoms but regardless
they have to take it seriously when a child, even a 16 year old one, complains
of numbness, tingling and loss of use of his legs or lower back.
In the meantime, I am confined to my home, trying to care
for my two daughters and coordinate things from here as best I can. In many
ways I feel as if I am trapped inside some terrible dream and unable to affect
any impact on the real world.
